


Stages of grief.. Depression

by Surisun



Series: Too late for Stiles [6]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 13 reason like cross over, Betrayal, Character Study, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Stiles Stilinski, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25693612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surisun/pseuds/Surisun
Summary: "Your strewberry blond hair reminds me of the late afternoon sun, and this is not a pun".....Stiles loved Lydia since they were little kids and when she finally loved him back, she really didn't..
Relationships: Lydia Martin/Jordan Parrish, Lydia Martin/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Too late for Stiles [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/798891
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. Lydia had her chance

**Author's Note:**

> I know it had been a thousand years.. But better late than never I guess..  
> Hope is a thing folks😁

People thinks Lydia Martin has every thing.  
She is beautiful and rich. She is the most popular girl in the school and she is sharp as a tack when she wants to. 

Her boyfriend Jackson Whitmore is the captain of the lacrosse team. He is strong and handsome and despite not being so bright he was a sight for sore eyes and he could never say no to her. 

  
People don't know that Lydia Martin has watched her parents fight for all her life. They don't know that she was on anti depressents for a whole year when they finally decided to get a divorce. And that Lydia cries at night or secretly drinks some times.  
For all her life she lived a double life. Queen in the days and broken at the nights. But then Derek hale came to Beakon Hill and with him her life, all their lives turned upside down.   
She was kidnapped by a werewolf serial killer who bit her, her boyfriend turned in to a kanima and she turned in to a banchee.   
Then she was part of a pack!   
She suddenly was forced to change everything her life once was. She was forced to be more herself and to be friends with people she previously ignored or treated like shit. 

  
Among everyone, there was a remarkably sapz, incredibly smart and a very human very loud Stiles.   
Stiles who had a crash on her since they were babies but so was most of the students in their school anyway.   
Stiles turned to be different though.   
He was loyal and brave to his very core and it shocked her how stupid he was when it came to protecting the people who he care about including her.   
But with every passing day she came to know Stiles didn't just have a crush on her or plainly cared for her like every one else, in fact he loved her.   
Year after year it became more clear he did, and she started to like him too. She was attracted to his loyalty and smartness and every thing else that no body but him had. She started to get closer and he welcomed her with his oped arms and open heart.   
They kissed and she slowly allowed him to engulf her with his love and kindness. He was soft and gentle and she let herself be drawn to his warm embrace.   
When She was hurting he was able to understand what she needed perfectly, and slowly he allowed her to see some of his own vulnerability. It was a deeper bond than she had ever had with another human, and it was true and pure that it made her feel content for the first time in her life.

  
But Parrish... 

  
Well, Parrish was older and stronger, dark and mysterious. He was fire, literally, and she couldn't prevent herself from being attracted to him.   
Things were getting worse with the pack, and everything was so stressing, she was drinking again and Stiles sweetness was getting overwhelmingly useless and suffocating. His once relieving vulnerability were adding to her stresses and his once calming presence was suddenly boring . The rebellion inside her was longing for something different to get her mind of things, and Parrish was right there.   
She would spend time with Stiles then sneak to meet Parrish, their stolen meets fired a delicious excitement in her bones that made her ignore the guilt that was flaming inside of her. Stiles didn't have to know, she would justify, Stiles wouldn't understand, Stiles would always love her no matter what she did, Stiles would forgive .   
........ 

  
They were making out in Parrish car when she saw Stiles standing few feet away looking her at the eyes.   
His hands were in his pockets and his pose was little hunched. He didn't seem surprised or angry, in fact he seemed to be standing there for a hot minute. She initially flinched, knew she had to stop immediately and get out, run to him to explain, to apologize and beg for forgiveness. But an evil voice in her head whispered to just go on, to give Stiles a show instead, show him how another man can make her feel better than Stiles would ever be able to do. She smiled in her kiss with parrish and locked eyes with Stiles. She saw his eyes darken and his face fall slightly before he slowly broke their eye contact and slowly walked away, his walk of a defeated man. 

  
That night she was agitated with anxiousness.. Waiting for Stiles to call or text but he didn't. She didn't know what possessed her to do such a thing, challenge him or maybe hurt him like that, but she couldn't ignore how her relationship with Stiles were putting extra tension on her at the moment. She just wanted to relax and Stiles, well, it was almost to relax around him anymore.   
So she simply made a choice she had to made.   
She texted him that she doesn't think they work anymore as a couple and that they better just be friends or pack or whatever.   
She thought many times about such a cold and harsh way to end things but honestly she was too much of a coward to face him.   
She was used to dumbing ex boyfriends over texts nothing new there, she reasoned, even if Stiles was different and things felt more intimate with him than anyone else.   
But that was the problem, she thought, she needed a break from all the emotions.   
He just sent"okay" back to her and didn't say more.   
They didn't see each other for a weak before another pack meating in which he was perfectly cheerful and normal. And she thought, maybe he understood or even felt the same. 

  
And that was that.. 

She continued to date Parrish not bothering to hide it any more since Stiles seemed totally okay with it. . He seemed to take it just fine, like always he was there for her, even if he was little stiff than usual. He had never spoke to her differently than before. Deep inside she was sure he would have her back whenever her whim ends.   
He would understand like he alway did. After all he had watched her all his life date another guys, he will always wait for her,. 

  
_She had never doubted that!_


	2. The letter

Lydia was feeling sick to her stomach, but it only became worse when Mason handed her an envelope like it was the heaviest thing in the world before ranning like his life dependes on it.  
Her knees were weak when she walked back to the couch and opened the white paper. She gasped at the familiar hand writing, her tears adding to the already smudged words,  
Was Stiles crying when he wrote this?

*******

" _Your strewberry blond hair reminds me of the late afternoon sun, and this is not a pun"_

  
I remember a 7 year old thin kid proudly giving you this crayon written note with all his heart that was filled with all the innocent love in the world and was about to explode with excitement.  
You frown then and you threw it and walked away never looking back, but it never stopped me from writing you a thousand more.  
I baked you a strewberry cupcake in your birthday with my mom before she got really sick, and I still smiled when my heart broke seeing you ignore it and walking away.  
So I thought you didn't really like cakes, so I brought you a flower the next day. But you rolled your eyes and threw it in the garbage.  
So, I decided it was maybe better to just gave you your space .  
For ten years I just watched you from far away and didn't dare to bother you again.  
I saw you grow into a stunning, secretly smart as hell, young lady, and I hurt every time your heart broke when the jerks you tended to date hurt you.  
I watched you and learned you like how I memorized my favorite comics till I knew you better than anyone. Knew your favorite bag and shoes were Gucci, you treat yourself with cheese when you feel good and that your favorite subject was math, yet you intentionally did bad in your exams so everyone else wouldn't accuse you of being a nerd.  
I knew you were covering your dark circles and Buffy eyes the mornings you wear heavy makeup and it broke my heart that I couldn't ask you what made you cry and gave you a hug to make you feel better.  
I loved you unconditionally and I was welling to be anyone you wanted me to be to you.  
And that you knew...  
And that you used it so well before you decided that you got sick of me and it was time to replace me.

I remember when you finally gave me a chance, Lyds . The butterflies in my stomach dancing happily as I took you in to my hands like a flower and pealed your layers till your very core. There I found your true self, beautiful and precious more than I had ever imagined. And I inhaled so deep that I was drank of you Lydia, I inhaled you till you became part of me, and I Swore that moment I would never hurt you or make you sad as long as I live.  
I opened my heart to you too, shyly I exposed my weakness. My worries and my panic attacks. And when you didn't flee, I thought I was understood for the first time in my life and for once my tears were happy and didn't taste like salt.  
I handed you my heart, my weak breakable heart and trusted you not to break it.

  
_oh Lydia!_

  
_Why did I trust you?_

  
I trusted you blindly that when you started to change and distance yourself, I refused to believe that you would be able to hurt me..  
I bit my eyes and I tried harder, and harder, till the day I stood there watching you with Parrish.  
Do you know how many panic attack did I have in my life?  
The feeling, the vice that squeezed my heart when I stood there and watched you was worse than the sum of all the fear and anger I have ever felt before.  
I stood there paralyzed, my hands were trembling so bad that I had to shove them in my pockets. I was sweating and shivering at the same time, looking for your eyes to ground me in my despair, not knowing that these were the devil eyes instead.  
If looks could kill, I would drop dead right there in front your mocking eyes and your amused grin, as you gutted me over and over.  
I don't remember walking home Lydia, but I remember that my hand found the razor and craved your name on my thighs that very night and many nights after .  
You sent me a text saying you want it to end and I agreed. I desperately wanted it to end, too... Everything..

  
Pain is something but hopelessness is worse..

  
I hopelessly went back to watch you from a far again, giving Parrish what I thought was mine before, as my heart burned and rolled over itself like a charred paper.  
Didn't I trust with that weak heart Lydia?!  
Days after days it burned till it was nothing but dust and Pain lessend in to emptyness. Leaving me with more void in that tight chest of mine. And now I am sure I can never love or be loved anymore no matter how hard I tried.  
You made me a hollow body covered with scars Lyds..  
Derek sucked my empathy and disrespected me..  
Scott threw me away like an old rug..  
But you..

 _You did both_..

  
Can I ask you one last favor Lydia? Maybe for all the troubles that you put me through?  
Would you pray for me to find something better on the other side?  
I lost the dare to hope, but I have no other choice but to go. Maybe I would end up roasting in hell for breaking my dad's heart like this, but just..

Pray it will hurt less than now...  
......... 


End file.
